Feeling Like Gum on the Bottom of Someone's Shoes

I feel like a total drama queen for having a crying fit a little while ago. I was (and still am) just so upset at myself. I had an awful reality check that my right knee issue is really serious and that I am I cannot even lift my own weight off the ground. It is depressing.

There is a resistance training guide I need to follow 3x per week on my Nadoona plan, and I thought that it would be no problem physically. Oh boy, did I get a rude awakening tonight. I was so excited to finally have time in the evening to get my strength training in. With each of the 7 exercises I attempted, I failed. Just getting on the floor made my right knee give out and I fell in excruciating pain. That alone, made me cry because the pain was so intense. But then, being on my knees hurt like hell on my right knee. I have not tried a squat outside of water in very long because I know I have mild arthritis and I get pains. However, with this baker cyst thing the doctor says I have on my right knee, things seem so much worse than I even imagined.

How could I have been so out of touch with my body, its current abilities, and its current limitations. Then, I think that, duh, of course I am out of touch with my body; when was the last time I even exercised or exerted real physical energy before I went to the gym on Monday. A year? Maybe even more? Ok, not quite true, I do remember being on the treadmill sometime in 2011. Anyway, I thought I had already eaten all the humble pie left in my kitchen, but I'll be damned if there was not an extra big slice hidden in the fridge that I was served COLD tonight.

Ahhh, just writing this all out is making me feel a little better. I wont be able to sleep if I remain this upset. I have to accept my physical reality as it is. I should be thankful that Ive woken up from this dream. It just hurts so much right now, so much that the saboteur in me (shaytan's partner in crime) is telling me that I should just give up now as not to make a fool of myself because I won't succeed anyway if I cannot even do basic strength training. AlhamduliAllah, I know that these are lies. That trickery would have worked before, but not anymore. Maybe in the morning, I won't feel so raw. NshaAllah. Ya Allah, continue to help me and raise me above my madness.